Missing you!

It has been two and a half long months since you went away, and there hasn't been a day that has passed that I wish I could pick up the phone to hear your voice. I can't seem to pull things together, and try my hardest to hide my pain and tears behind smiles and laughter. I have never felt so alone in this world as I do now. What I wouldn't give to hear your voice, and to hug you again. To hear you tell me that you love me. I never got to say goodbye because you passed before I could get there. I would give anything to have you just one more day. There are so many things left unsaid, and damn so many things we should be doing. I am so confused in life right now, and wish you were here to help figure things out. I don't know which way to go or even which is right or wrong without you.

I know you and dad are together again but I so wish y'all were here with us again. The family needs y'all so much because y'all were the string that held us together. We are trying but things will never be the same without you here. My days just simply pass by anymore without any meaning to them, and I don't have any idea how to change that. I simply exist! My heart feels like I deserve the pain I am feeling because I must have done something wrong to have lost you both so young.

The hardest thing I had to do was to tell Lexie that you had passed away. My heart shattered as I felt her body tremble, shake and fall when the pain hit her. That baby loved you, and I know you loved her so very much. I promise that I will always look after that baby, and never let her forget how much you loved her. I just so wish that she were home when it all happened so that I could have comforted her through it but as you know things are still messed up there.

Mom, you may be gone but know that you and dad will never be forgotten and missed. There isn't a day that goes by that you aren't on my mind, in my memories or within my heart. I love and miss you both so very much. I pray that someday we will all be back together as a happy family again but in the meantime me and Charlotte are doing all we can to keep this family together. I love and miss you so much!

Love your daughter,

Spinning in Circles!

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you literally can't sleep no matter how tired you are because you know that your mind will never completely shut down? I have had almost 2 years of things going on left and right that somewhere along the way, I have forgotten who I truly am because I am always helping someone, being drug into something, being in the middle of two parties that can't see what they are doing to you, and you wonder if anyone out there can truly care about you enough to ensure everyone stopped? Well, I am beginning to wonder if that will ever happen for me. I know that I am strong, and always have been because I am always the one that deals with everything but just once in my life, I would love to have someone that can match my strength but love me enough to truly give me peace for awhile. 

The past 2 years of my life has literally been one heart break after another, and honestly not sure how much longer I can keep my strength up from breaking but I know that no matter what I will always pull through whatever is going on in my life. I lost my dad in 2005, and even though it has been eight long years, the pain is still right there. And what makes it even harder is the fact that I lost my mom a month ago which has added so much more pain on top of it all while I sit silently in pain because the people around me are so wrapped up in themselves to realize that even though I fake a smile on my face that my heart is hurting so badly. I am hours away from where I feel like my home is which is where I was raised, and I have never felt so absolutely alone in life. 

Part of me feels that if I allow people to know and see that I am hurting that it will mean that I am weak which I pray no one ever thinks that of me. I, like everyone else has been through many hard times in my life, and like many people, some I don't share with just anyone. Lost and alone in your own world is a horrible place to be but in ways, it helps you forget what is going on around you that you have no control over. I hear a song, and my mind automatically takes me to places that I wish would somehow become numb because the pain has literally started to outweigh the happiness in your life, and you struggle and fight to climb out of that place to find your serenity. 

Yes, a lot of the pain is very new while some of the pain is old, and together the battle is a hard one to continue to struggle through but I know that God wouldn't put me through more than I can handle. It is more of a feeling of being lost between paths while being unsure of which path to take because you have no idea of what the paths might hold so you stand in the middle and continue to spin in circles until you become so dizzy that you fall into a complete place of exhaustion. 

I have my good days, and I have my bad days as does everyone else but once, just once I wish the pain would ease so that I can get back to being the happy go lucky person that I have always been, and start enjoying life again. Someday, and hopefully someday very soon! 

Hiding Pain Within a Smile!

I see you sitting over there with a smile, showing as you do not care while you hide your pain deep inside. You put your heart on the line, love with all that you are yet receive hurt in return. You lend a hand of friendship while you are not allowed to be a friend with another. People do not think before they speak or should I say; type! They want to see things in their own eyes while they forget to try to see things within other people’s eyes. They want what they want without any regard to what the other person wants. It’s not that they aren’t going to continue to be your friend yet have a heart that is large enough to be friends with many. A heart of gold that yearns to be noticed by another that resembles it. A heart that desires to find someone that can see past the picture, read the between the lines, and hear the unspoken words that they hide within.

Cherish the heart that lies within by truly looking past the outer shell to see the heart and soul of the man in front of you. It is not about what he can buy you but rather how he can make you feel within yourself. Love like it is all that is within this world for when we leave this world, that love is all that will be left behind. The memories that you have shared with them, the moments of true love you spent within their arms, the laughs you shared, the tears you felt, and the feeling of truly knowing that they have left this world without a doubt that they were loved. For it’s those first moments that you have shared which you wish that you could get back. If you love someone, always let them know, show them, and never let a moment slip by without making a memory. Dare to dream, and dream to love, love to live, and live to make every moment count for we have one life to live, and it’s up to us to make it the life that we dream upon. 

Surrender of the hearts

Gentle caresses upon my skin
making my skin tingle with delight
sending urges throughout my body
causing me to come a little closer

Your eyes daunting me with pleasure
enticing me to fall into your arms
hands roaming upon my skin
sofly caressing every inch

Softly planting kisses on my lips
as you run you hands through my hair
pulling me softly into you
feeling the urgency upon you

two hearts joining into one
souls that complete each other
sending years of pain away
letting love take its place..

Laying within each others arms
exhausted from pure ecstasy
drifting slowing off into sleep
in heart and soul they are now one

Rolling the Dice of Love

THE SKY TURNING DARK AND GRAY

MY HEART RIPPING APART INSIDE

AS PAIN COMES RUSHING BACK IN

WANTING TO JUST RUN AND HIDE

I TOOK A CHANCE AND LOST

NEEDING YOU TO HONESTLY SEE

PIECE BY PIECE THE WALL WENT DOWN

LETTING YOU KNOW THE INNER ME

ONCE AGAIN FEELING SO LOST AND ALONE

STILL YEARNING TO FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE

KNOWING THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE

FOR WE WERE BROUGHT TOGETHER FROM ABOVE

WAITING TO SEE YOUR NAME LIGHT UP

TEARS BUILDING AS THEY BEGIN TO FALL

NEEDING TO FEEL YOU ARMS AROUND ME

TELLING ME LETS JUST FORGET THEM ALL. 

WORDS COME POURING FROM MY HEART

WISHING I WAS THERE SO YOU COULD SEE

THAT WHATEVER THIS IS WE HAVE

WITHIN MY HEART IT IS MEANT TO BE

YOU WANTED THIS HEART

WHILE WORKING HARD TO ACHIEVE

HAVING IT AS YOUR VERY OWN

WHILE LEAVING IT TRYING TO BELIEVE

PIECE BY PIECE THE WALLS WERE SHATTERED

LETTING YOU FILL IT WITH LOVE AGAIN

WANTING ALL THAT YOUR HEART OFFERS

NOW  WAITING FOR WHEN IT BEGINS

Eyes Wide Open

Another night alone, trapped within my mind,

wonder what i did so wrong ? what was my crime ?

Swallowing whatever the excuse is, like broken glass shards,

I didn't know loving someone was supposed to be this hard.

Is this what forever is supposed to be ?

didn't that dream involve you next to me ?

Where are you ? I don't know, not sure I care,

don't know wether to scream or to yank out my hair ?

Promises made, promises broken,

so much said, so much unspoken.

Needing you here with me so much,

wanting nothing more than your touch.

Pain and lonliness have come back again,

long lost, welcome home my friends.

Thought we had parted company once and for all,

should have known better, now another fall.

How much can a heart take,

before it's beyond repair, what difference does it make ?

Bring it on, I can take the pain,

what difference does it make if I never love again ?

Daddy's Little Cowgirl

the old black stetson hangs on the wall
boots, battered and worn lay below
a cherished picture,displayed with pride
love of this man would always show

a tired old cowboy was taken away
to heaven as his final resting place
hearts broken, tears wept by all
leaving nothing but an empty space

time passed, grass covered the grave
words spoken, tears swelled inside
memories we will no longer make
for together, that was our very last ride

body goes weak, heartbroken and alone,
clouds begin to boil , trees begin to swirl
sudden calmness, as I hear the soft spoken words
daddy's here, you will always be safe my lil cowgirl

safe,for I am always near,
here is where I will always be
with a heart of gold, yet tough as steel
take pride my little cowgirl, you are just like me. .

written August 20,2006
In loving memory of Eddie Lee Day Dec 7, 1943 to Dec 13, 2005
by..Edie LeAnn Day (Cain)